Where to begin? I’ll start with your sweet, sensitive soul. A soul, that through adversity, transition, and lack of understanding from so many in the world, continues to teach me how to be a better human. In the depths of your soul lies the softest fiber of being. From the moment I laid my eyes upon you, I knew. I knew you’d forever live in my heart and imprint my soul. You are my firstborn, my first real teacher — the one, who without words, continues to help write chapters of my life. You impact how I raise your human siblings, interact with others, and teach those around me. Your education awards me more compassion and presence in every moment. You are and will forever be, my heart and soul dog. Sunny, I love you.
Our story began when I volunteered at a shelter in Southern California. The moment I spotted you, I loved you. I loved your high-energy and zest for the great outdoors. You hated going back into your kennel after our walks. You’d protest by jumping up and nipping at the leash in my hands. When I’d walk away, you’d do circles in your kennel. Your mind was so overwhelmed by life, your little body didn’t know how to slow down. You’d been in the shelter for over five of your nine months on this earth. I could see and feel the trauma in your soul, maybe because it was a reflection of my own. You never felt what it was like to have your needs met. No one made you feel safe. No one understood that your fear was thwarting your emotional well-being.
I was a budding dog trainer who was ready to take on the responsibility of fostering a dog. I had a college degree in Psychology and had started a professional dog running service. For years I studied anything I could get my paws on on the science of dog, from inspirations like, Patricia McConnell, Temple Grandin and Sophia Yin. Fostering seemed like the best route for learning more about dog behavior and finding my heart dog. I walked you for a few weeks before that defining moment. Your little body couldn’t take it any longer and you leapt up to grab the leash from my hands, but instead, grabbed my stomach with your teeth. You were screaming to be heard; to stay outside and not go back into the “eternal locks of hell and damnation,” at least that was my narrative. How could I possibly allow this beautiful creature to live out his life in a shelter?
Due to policies, I had to fill out a bite report, but all of the folks at the shelter understood your stress and intentions. They understood that you were hurting inside — inside your body and the shelter. The day after you bit me, they asked if I would foster you. Without hesitation, I said YES! I had no idea what that yes actually meant until I brought you home the following day. You did not know what to do with yourself. You had no idea how to live in this foreign world filled with moving people, moving objects, loud sounds, overwhelming smells, and a new home with an unfamiliar male who didn’t understand how deeply your fears impacted your behavior, and so much more that you could not tell me.
Our introduction to training outside of the shelter was from an extraordinary trainer named Paul Owens. He changed our lives and gave us simple tools to help alleviate our fears. Despite our work, you suffered greatly from separation anxiety and were fearful of the world and so much in it, and my life, as it was, was not conducive to your thriving. You were terrified of my roommate who was an editor that worked nights. He was nice guy but not well-informed about dog behavior, not-to-mention we lived in a very small, cave-like two bedroom apartment. You would scream at the top of your lungs for as long as I was away while the nice guy would try and sleep. I couldn’t take you with me on every dog run I had because your body was not fully developed for running, and plenty of the dogs I worked with were not appropriate for you to interact with. I needed to keep you safe but it seemed out of reach.
I tried leaving you in the crate that the shelter provided and suggested we use, but if your screaming wasn’t heartbreak enough, your projectile diarrhea and bloody mouth from trying to escape the crate was. You made it clear that the crate was not an option. I tried leaving you in my bedroom, but your behaviors became more telling. You ripped the blinds from my window and scratched at my door while screaming. The shelter didn’t know what to suggest other than using an x-pen or putting you in our 6-foot fenced backyard, which your athletic and anxious self took one running leap and landed on the other side before I could even lock the gate. How were we going to get through this?
I reached out to the shelter again to describe what was happening. On your evaluation sheet it clearly stated that you had no known behavior concerns. Unfortunately, I found that separation anxiety was not your only concern. You were terrified of the world, particularly children, men, loud sounds, unfamiliar items, and scary dogs to name a few. For weeks we worked tirelessly to help you feel safe, potty train you, and to teach you substitute behaviors other than humping, and lunging and barking at other dogs and people while on leash.
I called in Paul Owens for reinforcement. He helped educate my roommate about your fears and need for us to be compassionate and patient with you. He taught me how to desensitize you to my leaving and over the next few weeks, I’d pick up my keys throughout the day, then put them back on the table. I’d touch the door handle but not open it. I’d put my shoes on, then sit down and read a book. We did lots of this until it became evident that you were ready for me to actually walk out the door and leave you for 30 seconds, then 3 minutes, then 30. We worked up to an hour with you alone, not hurting yourself trying to escape. Victory was in the making!
The day came when the shelter called and told me they had a family that wanted to adopt you, but as your foster, I had the first right. Of course! That was a no brainer. We’d come so far! The following the week, Paul asked if I’d be in a taping for his newest dog training DVD, and of course I said yes. My phone was off and when I got out of filming I noticed that I had many missed calls from my mom, my sister, and my brother. Calling my mom back, I’ll never forget. She could barely speak, but through her torturous cry she screamed, “Your dad is dead! Your dad is dead! Your dad is dead!” My brother took the phone while my sister consoled our mom. He explained that the tractor had flipped over on top our our dad and that our mom found him.
I flew out for two weeks the following day while a group of my close friends, including my roommate, watched you. It was a confusing time upon my return. I was sad and conflicted with my trauma and it was as if all the hard work we had put in for those first few weeks was in vain. My apartment smelled like dog pee and all of the blinds had been ripped from the windows. I was thankful you were okay and didn’t escape, and that you were taken care of even if it meant we had to start from square one.
Over the next couple of weeks, I could feel my mental health begin to suffer and you were in need of so much more. You required someone more skilled and full-time to help you overcome your fears. I felt incapable, so I emailed the shelter director and manager to explain how, with your needs not being met and my processing of my father’s death, that I wasn’t the right person for you. In what would turn out to be a serendipitous turn of events, the director accidentally hit “reply all.” Clearly not meant for my eyes, her email stated how irresponsible it was for me to say I would adopt, then try and give you back, and if I was a budding dog trainer, I should be able to handle your concerns. I felt broken and unrepairable. The email went on to say a few more unsettling things before closing with the fact that they weren’t going to take you back.
I was unprepared for the weight and pain her words would cause on top of the trauma I was already dealing with. It felt like I was left in the deep end to drown even though I was asking for help with people all around. The next day the manager replied, also accidentally hitting “reply all." She was much more empathetic to our situation. She reminded the director that my dad had just died and that your behavior was not common and required a skilled professional. I held my breath waiting for another “reply all,” but nothing came. Days passed before we communicated.
During that time, your first dog friend and my first client, Atticus’ parents graciously gave me money and a list of therapists on a sliding scale. You and I are still together because of them. A deep thank you to the Oshers! That list lead me to a therapist I will never forget. She was my first, and most compassionate introduction into the world of mental health professionals. Our first session, she spoke only 3 sentences, and only one I remember: “How will you feel if you lose someone else you love?”
I went home crying and called my mom. I told her that I couldn’t give you up. That we’d come too far. Those conversations with my therapist and mom gave me the confidence to call the director. I told her that after much thought and deliberation, I was going to keep you. That I couldn’t lose someone else I love. An empathic tone filled my ear and she replied, “Sunny needs you as badly as you need him. Please consider Sunny a gift from me to you.” I was over the moon that we were now an official life’s team! I would forever love you and do my best to keep you safe.
13 years have passed since you rescued me, and every day I fall more in love with you and your wisdom. Because of you, I continue to grow. You helped sculpt so much of who I am. You’re my constant — with me through it all, including the deaths of my mom, dad, and grandmother. You would lay calmly at my feet and remind me that I was never alone. You helped choose your dad as the first man in our lives that you didn’t fear, and so cutely pranced down the aisle at our wedding with a bowtie. You ushered both children home from the hospital with a gentleness any mother could understand. And you stayed by my side through postpartum depression, bringing a calm that felt almost impossible to find. You’re at my side now, laying calmly at my feet — always my shadow but forever my Sun. I love you more than words could ever express.
]]>When my 5 and 7-year-old children ask why they cannot go to the dog park, I tell them, “going to the dog park sounds like a lot of fun, I totally get it — you get to be outside while watching dogs play. Unfortunately, for some of those dogs, having you at the dog park isn’t so fun. You know how you love to run, get loud when you’re excited, jump up and down, and use your whole body to talk and tell stories? All of that movement and noise can be scary for some dogs, and some have never even met a child. Just seeing you might scare them, and when a dog gets scared, they can make bad choices. And because they have teeth, that also means they can bite. We do things too when we’re scared, like hide, scream, or find someone to help us feel safe. Let’s help those dogs feel safe, leave SunDog at home, and let’s go to the playground instead?”
There are many reasons why I believe children under the age of 12 should not be allowed in the dog park. The most obvious is that many dog parks have age requirements. Through a quick online search, I found on average, they range from 6 to 16 years old and the child must be actively supervised by an adult. Some discourage children at the dog park altogether.
No matter how well-behaved or responsible your child is, you cannot control the actions of another human or canine, especially those unfamiliar to you and your child. Not all animals at the dog park are well-mannered, this includes the humans. Humans can be easily distracted, and some lack the basic understanding of dog body language and behavior, while others simply do not follow the rules. We must also consider the dog who is accompanied by an unknowing, yet well-intentioned adult who has little to no experience with children. Before we start chucking judgement, I think we need to open that dog park gate with empathy and remember that people are generally well-intentioned. Good intentions don’t prevent dog bites, though, prevention does.
Children ages 5-9 are the most vulnerable to dog bites, while babies, toddlers and young children who do not have the ability to self-regulate are also ill-protected from dangerous situations. Though very few dog bites require surgery and most happen within the home environment, bites to children occur most often to the head, neck, and face. These injuries can leave long-term emotional and physical damage. As a parent, it is our responsibility to keep our children safe, and by not bringing them to the dog park, we prevent bad things from happening.
Let’s talk now about the dogs. Dr. Zazie Todd who writes the Companion Animal Blog reviewed a study published in Applied Animal Behaviour Science that found “salivary cortisol increased significantly from baseline levels following 20 min in the dog park.” Though their sample was small, they also did a follow-up study where the dogs cortisol showed no increase following a 20 min walk.
Because cortisol is known to be an indicator of a stress response in dogs, there are dogs at the dog park being exposed to triggers such as children that cause undue stress and anxiety. Even worse, when put into a situation where a dog will not succeed, a traumatic experience could cause that dog a lifetime of fear and/or reactivity.
If you choose to take your child to the dog park, I highly encourage you to be as attentive as a hawk not only to your child and dog, but to the environment, circumstances, and all other individuals in proximity. Promote calm behavior in your child, as loud, exuberant behavior can arouse a negative response in some dogs, like fear, or in rare cases, prey drive. This means no running or screaming and your child should not be in charge of your dog. This is an adult’s responsibility. Also, avoid congregating near the dog park entrances or exits, for dogs with spacial concerns, this can be challenging and hard to physically navigate.
A child’s presence alone could set a fearful dog up to fail. If you see a dog hiding, moving away, or trying to escape from your child’s presence, leave and come back at another time. Do so too if you witness a dog standing tall or stiff and leaning forward while staring at your child, or with their head and chest lowered while creeping forward. Other body language you should pay attention to when observing the above behaviors is a closed mouth, forward ears, and a high and erect tail. These are all warning signs that a dog may resort to something more obvious, like barking, snarling, growling, lunging, and/or biting.
Knowing what can cause a dog to bite and recognizing when a dog needs space is crucial to creating safe and appropriate interactions between children and dogs. Data tells us that the most dog bites occur in the Summer months, and because we are gradually coming out of the pandemic, our dogs’ exposure to new people, places, and things has been limited. We are seeing more and more dogs who require a slower, more gentler, and thoughtful approach to proper reintroductions to the world. Keep this in mind when heading out the door to your local dog park — some individuals might require a slower pace than you, humans and dogs alike.
References and Other Valuable Resources:
https://www.whole-dog-journal.com/care/socialization/the-pros-and-cons-of-dog-parks/
https://www.preventivevet.com/dogs/what-you-should-know-before-taking-your-puppy-to-the-dog-park
https://apdt.com/resource-center/dog-parks-good-bad-ugly/
http://www.kathysdao.com/articles/good-manners-for-dogs-people-in-off-leash-parks/
https://drsophiayin.com/blog/entry/dog-park-etiquette-rules/
https://www.companionanimalpsychology.com/2013/12/should-you-take-your-dog-to-dog-park.html
https://www.doggielanguagebook.com/
https://www.robinkbennett.com/2013/11/18/three-dogs-who-shouldnt-be-at-the-dog-park-or-daycare/
https://paws4udogs.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/dog-dog-socialization-beyond-the-dog-park/
https://dogtime.com/dog-health/general/5014-introduce-puppy-dog-parks-dunbar-faq
https://www.whole-dog-journal.com/care/dog-park-etiquette/
https://www.avma.org/resources-tools/pet-owners/dog-bite-prevention
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S240584401838527X
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6431755/
https://blog.doggiedrawings.net/post/174154269136
https://iaabc.org/resources/dog-park-public
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2292550318767924?icid=int.sj-full-text.similar-articles.1&
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2) How many times better is a dog's smell than a human's?
a. 5-10 times
b. 50-500 times
c. 100,000 to 100 million times
3) What did the dog think was grass?
a. his dog bed
b. the carpet in his new best friend’s room
c. the kitchen floor
5) How long can it take before a dog settles into their new home?
a. 100 million years
b. 30 years
c. 3 months
6) Why do dogs dig?
a. to tell time
b. to relieve stress and because it’s a blast
c. to get to China
7) What did the dad bury in the sand?
a. a toothbrush
b. a shoe
c. a bone
Answer key:
1) a 2) c 3) b 4) a 5) c 6) b 7) c
]]>You smelled sooooo good, like beef jerky and string cheese! Your eyes were as blue as the sky and your hair was like a yellow Summer sunset. I once heard someone really smart at the shelter say that dogs see blue and yellow better than they do red, green, and orange. It didn't matter what color you, your hair, or your eyes were, what mattered was that you wanted me. You looked and smelled like a lap that I could curl up into forever.
You weren’t much taller than me but you moved really funny. You jumped up and down and squealed loudly. That scared me, so I hid in the corner until you sat down on the mat in the center of the room. That’s what the staff taught me to do too! They always tell me that I’m a good boy when I do and toss me tasty treats. It’s pretty awesome!
You started playing with a squeaky squirrel toy and it caught my attention. I crept out of the corner and s l o w l y made my way in your direction. I could feel my tail tucked between my legs and my ears pinned back, but I was curious. I just had to find out more!
Then you waved the squirrel toy on the ground, and I swear, that squirrel came to life! I felt my body come to life too as I pounced and jumped right on top of it! It was thrilling! I dropped the toy after a minute or so because it wasn’t quite as fun as when you magically brought it to life. But you picked it up and did it again. And WOW, was that fun! We played the game for a really long time. I can’t tell time, so I don’t know exactly how long, but I’d guess it was at least a hundred million minutes. That’s what you always say, right?
You whispered to me that I was your best friend, and from that moment on, I knew you were mine too.
Thank you for being my best friend! I can’t wait to share more of our story, but for now, mom said it’s bedtime. Good night, Aurora. I love you from your head to your toes to your itty-bitty nose!
]]>The best training treats depends heavily on your dog’s:
Check with your vet about the proper food treats to use for a dog who is on a special diet, and consider the calorie intake for each individual dog as they vary greatly depending upon age, size, breed, health, etc.
Treats differ from low value to high value and might not be food at all. The best treat for your dog depends on your dog. Low-value treats should be used for simple behaviors with low distractions like practicing “sit” in the home. It may be that your dog enjoys a good game of tug or fetch, or some gentle praise and good pet. Low-value food reinforcements that you can use are;
You may have to experiment with what your dog likes and remember that their preferences may change over time. If you are working on complex behaviors in a distracting environment or working through emotional issues such as fear or anxiety, use high-value food treats. If your dog is too distracted or stressed and won’t take food, move to a less distracting or stressful environment, and begin there. Use something meaty or super smelly of high value such as:
The size of the treat is important, especially when teaching a new behavior with a high rate of reinforcement, or more complex behaviors that require helping change the dog’s response to certain triggers. Cut each food treat into small pieces, equivalent to the size of a small piece of kibble. This will allow you to reinforce often and when necessary. Use the smallest amount of food reinforcement necessary to reinforce a behavior. Happy training!
]]>Thankfully, Sunny is forgiving and tolerant of the unpredictable behavior toddlers and young children often exhibit, as my son is not his first rodeo. He also has a very active 6-year-old sister who now asks a lot of questions and enjoys joining in on training sessions.
Teaching children to respect dogs is a responsibility I do not take lightly. In fact, I teach Be a Tree which is a bite prevention program that promotes safe interactions between children and dogs. I also create awareness through educational infographics depicting what tense vs. relaxed dogs look like while interacting with children. Unfortunately, my son does not yet have the skills necessary to always control himself. Disruptive behavior begins to decrease as kids age and hit milestones in how they learn, speak, behave, play, and move, according to the CDC.
As dog professionals, we stress FULL and ACTIVE supervision, but unfortunately, things can happen quickly and unexpectedly and sometimes our children are just not developmentally capable of doing the “right” thing. I’m not writing this to talk about parental supervision, though it is imperative we never leave a child and a dog alone, even then things can go wrong, as evidenced in this story. I am writing because of what happened next.
My husband, Dog love him, immediately got down to our son’s level and began talking with him about how we practice kindness and do not hit, then asked him to apologize to Sunny. I quickly intervened this time and explained to my husband that because Sunny was already stressed, giving him space was the best apology. He replied with, “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking about Sunny. I was thinking about the lesson I wanted to teach our son.”
But really, how do we teach our children who haven’t reached these developmental milestones to fully understand the difference of empathy and apology with our dogs? I don’t have the right answer to this, as I am no parenting expert, but I presume this is a common sentiment and quandary for many parents of young children who are still learning to navigate their ever-changing external and internal worlds. I believe that our responsibility to our children is to teach them two separate, consistent lessons:
I am writing to teach you how to recognize and understand what your dog needs. And to understand that sometimes those needs are different than the lessons we are trying to teach our children.
You may be thinking this will confuse your child about apologies but without respecting our dogs for the species they are, we put our children and our dogs in danger. We create a world where dogs have no choice — where dogs have no voice — where there is no option for them to retreat to a safe place — where humans put human needs before the dog’s.
This is where the danger lies. When our dogs feel threatened or scared and have no choice to remove themselves from the “scary situation,” they communicate through their body language. Their discomfort might be displayed by:
If this body language is overlooked or ignored, the dog may resort to something more obvious, such as:
Current bite statistics tell us that children are more likely to be bitten than adults. This is a statistic we must take seriously.
Modeling appropriate behavior for our children and teaching them how our dogs communicate is an important lesson in respect. If we begin teaching our children as young as possible how to read and understand dog body language, it will become a second language to them. That is what our dogs deserve. They deserve a world where people listen and respect them for the individuals and species they are.
Please visit our Educational Content for FREE downloadable infographics!
Kids and Dogs: How Kids Should and Should Not Interact with Dogs from Dr. Sophia Yin, including a FREE downloadable poster!
Dog Bite Prevention Information for Parents from our friends at Doggone Safe
Teaching Children How to Prevent Dog Bites from the American Veterinary Medical Association
Dog Safety Video from The Family Dog
Preventing Dog Bites from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
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